Jokes

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Will this fit children?

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How workplace violence starts

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Walk of shame

@Letmeout55

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

[jogging] brain: let’s talk
me: ok
brain: are we being chased?
me: no
brain: are we chasing something?
me: no
brain: then WTF are we doing here?
heart and lungs: we also have questions…

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

When my wife makes me angry, I look at her through my fork and pretend she’s in jail. It heals me spiritually.

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

Dr: Are you sexually active?
Me: Haha, big time!
Dr: Like… with another person?
Me: Oh, then no.

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

My wife and I can’t decide where to eat so this time we’re going to her favorite restaurant and next time we’ll go to her other favorite restaurant

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly. It’s hard to believe 95% of us can’t do simple math.

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

pineapple goes on pizza just like tongues go into assholes.

it’s not for everybody, but those that enjoy it are a bit more sophisticated.

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@Man-chesthair-Re-United

My kids are so open to experiencing culture. They’ll try anything, from chicken tenders at a Mexican restaurant to chicken tenders at a Mediterranean restaurant.