What do Melania and the Donald have in common?

They’re both fucking stupid.

If I put self raising flour on it…

Does that mean I still have to pay child support?

I give u jellicle meme, u give me jellicle karma/upvotes

I hit a new high today, but my wife tells me that it’s actually the lowest I’ve ever been.

Turns out substance abuse isn’t a joke.

A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm

”two beers, ” he says ”one for me, and one for the road.”

What’s the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia?

About 15 seconds

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment complex on his own. He proudly went down to the foyer to put his name on his mailbox.

While he was there, a stunning young blonde came out of the apartment and walked down to the mailboxes, wearing only a bathrobe.The young man smiled at the woman and she started up a conversation with him.As they talked……her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying with all his effort to maintain eye contact.After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, ‘Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.’Nervously he followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her bathrobe to fall off completely.Now nude, she purred at him……… ‘What would you say is my best feature?’Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, ‘It’s got to be your ears!!!’Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, ‘My ears?!?!?”Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural…… I work out every day and my Ass is firm and solid…….i have a 28 inch waist……. Look at my skin – not a blemish anywhere!!!!’How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears!?!’

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask him politely.

I punched a woman in the tit once

She had no mammary of the event.

I confronted my Gardner about him masterbating in my garden…

Instead of giving me a straight answer he started beating around the bush.