Jokes

People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I don’t see what the big deal is, I’ve had a cannon printer for years

Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to represent externally how they feel on the inside … fake.

Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could call her any time.
I looked at her and said: “Well, that’s a funny name.”

Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.

I searched the internet for a Rorschach test
but all I found were a bunch of drawings of my parents having sex

I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom.
And then about 30 people laughed.

I asked a time traveller when will I get a girlfriend.
He said he can’t travel that far in future.

There is a short time, later on in every woman’s life, when she ignores the opposite gender for a while

It’s called men-on-pause

Just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Tomorrow I’m going to turn it on.