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Jokes

  • chuck

    when Britney spears sang “Hit me baby one more time” she wasn’t talking to chuck norris cause if chuck Norris hits someone there isn’t another time!

  • weird

    Giving a girl flowers is weird…
    “here, I killed these for you… I saw them, and, they reminded me of you so… I killed them. You should put them in water if you want them to… die slower”

  • numbers

    Husband: Honey, how many men have you slept with?
    Wife: 30….
    Husband: I wish you’d have been a virgin when I married you.
    Wife: I was.

  • I am

    Immature. A word used by boring people to describe fun people.

  • ATM asks

    ATM asks if I want to donate to charity. Sure! Donate my transaction fee.

  • sense

    It would just make a lot more sense if the devil was a woman.

  • before

    I have to exercise real early in the morning.
    Before my brain has a chance to figure out what I’m doing.

  • scanning

    I just sneezed then my laptop said ‘Scanning for viruses’. WTF

  • Monday

    It’s Sunday today, and if you are listening really carefully, you can hear how Monday is sharpening it’s claws.

  • lipstick

    My wife found lipstick in my pocket. I told her straight up that I was cheating on her………..there was no way I was gonna tell her that I sell AVON!