Jokes

Boss: You’re doing great! Keep doing what you’re doing.

Me: I wish I knew what I was doing.

Me: Do you want me to look into your eyes when I stick it in my mouth?

Officer: Ma’am just blow into the breathalyzer please.

Alcohol: Post it, it’s fuckin hilarious.
Sobriety: WTF?…I’m never drinking again.

I have only one word for women that want to treat me like a sex object…

Hey

I’m never really sure if I have free time, or if I’m just forgetting all the shit I’m supposed to be doing.

How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis…..LADDER! I mean ladder!!

Don’t hate me because I’m handsome, stick around, I’ll give you plenty of other legitimate reasons.