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Why did Jeremy Corbyn buy so many advent calendars?
So he could keep opening the door to number 10
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Tried to start a new trend
Turns out the #youtoo movement was a terrible idea
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Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends.
Because he’s married.
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A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone
“9-1-1, what is your emergency?””Oh my God, it’s my wife – she done been gored by a hog, she’s bleedin’ some real bad! Send help!””Calm down sir, and tell me where you are””I’m at 560 Eucalyptus Drive””Can you spell that for me, sir?””U… er… E, U… er… U… … Hang on a second, I’m gonna drag her down to Oak Street.”
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What do you call an Italian window cleaner?
Squ-igi
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Madness at the Snowman’s rave last night..
All the Carrots were off their faces
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Consulting a hotheaded doctor
… a man says: ‘Doctor, I’m unable to lie down or stand up; I can’t even sit down.’ The doctor responds: ‘I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself.’
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I miss my umbilical cord..
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Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world!Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there!Boy: What problem?!Dad: She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother!Boy: Why not?! You married mine!
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£2 Lego TARDIS from the charity shop and some thread and my room is feeling a lot more timey-wimey
Jokes
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