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Jokes

  • Try and name a better duo than me and procrastination

    Go ahead, I’ll wait

  • I can count with one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl

    It’s 14.

  • Doctor: During your surgery we accidentally amputated your genitals

    Patient: WTF! Doctor: Ma’am, you need to calm down.Does this work? Not sure if it’s clear that the patient is a male originally. Should I say your penis instead of genitals?

  • In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

    On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.Probably wasn’t the same fucking elephant.This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

  • A megaphone makes your voice sound louder, but a microphone doesn’t make your voice sound quieter.

  • SSD questions

    Going to build my first PC in a few days, so I’ve got just a few questions about SSDs.Is the 256gb ADATA SX8200 Pro a good SSD, or would it be better to go with a SATA SSD such as this Seagate Barracuda one.Would either of these SSDs work with this B450 Aorus Pro Wifi?Is the ADATA SSD mentioned above a well known and good SSD for the price?All help is appreciated, thanks

  • I’m tired of the term whistleblower.

    Can we all start using the term Snitchbitch instead?

  • India is full of shitty leaders

    [removed]

  • Where does a king keep his armies?

    In his sleevies.

  • My mother who left me when I was 3 recently started working at my school

    I knew she’d end up in hell