Jokes

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Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?” To which the nun replies “hell no” and proceeded to get off the bus.Distraught, the man asks the bus driver what to do. The bus driver replied, “Well every night she goes to the cemetery and prays, so if you go dressed as God and tell her that she must bang you to go to heaven, you are set to go”.Excited, the man goes out and buys the best God costume in the country. Later that night, dressed as God, the man tiptoes into the cemetery and sees the hun praying.Having recited his lines, he goes to the nun and says, “if you want to go to heaven, we must bang”. To his surprise, the nun agreed and they proceeded to have rough anal sex.After he finished, he threw off his God costume and proclaimed, “aha! It is I! The Man from the bus!”The nun threw off its clothes and proclaimed, “aha! It is I! The bus driver”

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Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck!Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)

Some say MOOsterbation, but I’ve always been partial to Beef Strokinoff.

then I see why they call you handsome!

when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.””Oh yeah? Who was the guy?””Tiger Woods.””Tiger Woods, the golfer?””Yeah.””Well, he is rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.”What are you doing?” asks the wife.

The doctors have given him only a couple of days to live and he no longer has even the strength to stand on his own. He lays in bed, thinking back on his life – his children, his parents, and his beautiful wife of 55 years. As he lays there, remembering the good times, he begins to feel himself drifting to sleep for what would probably be the last time.Just as his mind begins to wander into sleep, he suddenly gets drawn back out by a familiar smell. He quickly sits up in bed, trying to place this aroma. Invigorated by its scent, he musters all his strength and manages to lift himself up out of bed and over to his walker. He slowly walks through the house towards the fragrance, its familiarity boosting his strength with each step.As he rounds the corner, he sees a large tray of freshly baked cookies – cookies his wife hasn’t made in over a decade. He reaches out to grab one, and just as he’s about to touch the top cookie, a hand swats his away from the plate.He looks up to see his wife standing there, snarling at him. She says:”Those are for the funeral!”

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