Jokes

I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa wasn’t real.

I was heart broken…

I jumped in my car and went straight to the pub.

“Well, thank god that’s all over and out of the way for another year”!….

Said the wife as I rolled off the top of her ☹️

What’s the difference between your cat and your wife?
One doesn’t care whether you live or die and refuses to eat anything you make, and the other one sleeps on the bed sometimes.

Do you know the best way to keep an air fryer clean?
Dont buy one.

Which car is best for off-road?
A company car…

Why do Adam and Eve use Android?
Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.

I met a woman at the bar and asked to take her home
She said I’m on my menstrual cycle, I said that’s okay I’ll follow you on my Honda

What do you call a bodybuilder with a large penis?
A beginner.

The wife has just been diagnosed with an iron deficiency….

So I’ve bought her a new one for Christmas🎄🎅

I’ve never been able to tell my mechanic my car problems, with out reverting to sound effects