Jokes

battery

My next door neighbors Smart car’s battery died…

I had to give him a jumpstart from my iPod.

distraction

Cell phones are a distraction while driving.
Says cops with radios, dash cams, laptops, cell phones, radars and donuts.

BBC news

“Welshman saves sheep by giving it the kiss of life”
….Thats the exact same thing I would have said to someone if I got caught getting it on with a sheep.

guess

They call me Mr. Rhetorical. Can you guess why?

page six

I couldn’t buy perfume this week so I rubbed a magazine on my shirt. When people ask ” What’s that heavenly smell?”

I say “Page six.”

Don’t complain

Don’t complain about your job to the lady waxing your vagina.

Never lie to a smart woman!

Never Lie to a smart woman…
A man called home to his wife & said, “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in Canada with my boss & friends… We’ll be gone for a week.. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion i’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week,set out my rod & fishing box . We’re leaving from office & I will swing by the house to pick my things .. Oh and Please pack my new blue silk pajamas..” The wife thinks about this, being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good.. (more…)

Sink fixing…

I don’t think the milf next door watches enough porn. She asked me to come over and fix her sink..it’s been 20 minutes and I’m still fixing her sink..