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@RayC
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@woodyLoco
“I just did a selfie!” sounds better than, “I just masturbated.”
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@woodyLoco
I remember when I received my first headphones…
… it was music to my ears.
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Regress
2021: The Russian army is the second strongest army in the world.
2022: The Russian army is the second strongest army in Ukraine.
2023: The Russian army is the second strongest army in Russia.
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#Historical_Mind
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!” – One of the staff: “Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.”
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@AznRyan
Me – This escape room sucks 😒
Nurse – Sir, this is a psych ward
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@MrsSimmons
I’m gonna divorce my husband after he spent all our life savings getting a penis enlargement…
I just can’t take it any longer
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@supernurse
How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap… Asking for myself.
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@Bluezzzman
l want my children to have all the things in the world l could never afford. Then I’m going to move in with them.
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Filtered Fail: Instagram’s Fallstart at Tweeting
Instagram announced they’re launching a competitor to Twitter. However, they hit a snag: Instagram users couldn’t figure out how to add filters to their tweets.
Jokes
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