Jokes

Nectarines were grown by people who got tired of shaving peaches.

Marx said that “Religion is the opium of the masses” suggesting that the people need better drugs.

Studies show non-smokers have an increased risk of dying of old age

What’s the difference between a politician and a prostitute?

There’s a difference?

My wife said It’s final we’re going to my mother’s Halloween party whether you like it or not. So you better decide what you’re going to be.

I said Fucking pissed.

My pal asked me, “How much do you spend on a bottle of wine?”

I said, “Ooooh, about 15 minutes.”

🍷🍷🍷

A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won’t admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.

While she’s standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, dear?”

When there’s no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.

Again there’s no response, so he moves right to his wife’s shoulder and asks: “What’s for dinner, dear?”

At this his wife turns around angrily and says, “For the third time, sausages!”

Man: Do you want to have dinner with me at Saturday night?

Girl: Actually, I am getting married on Saturday

Man: hmmm…. Friday night then?!

What should Ukrainian soldiers paint on captured Russian tanks?

Ctrl-