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I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it’s because she is cute with big brown eyes.
But in reality, I just hope someone shoots her mother with a hunting rifle
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I got fired from work today
I don’t know why, I didn’t even do anything.
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A woman came out of her annual health checkup totally beaming!!
Her husband asked ” what happened ? “”
The doctor was stunned and he said that for a 45 year old woman , I’ve the breasts of an 18 year old ”
“Did he say anything about your 45 year old ass?” Asked the husband.
” No ” she answered ” the topic of you never came up in the conversation at all ”
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Professor: April, you are failing my class.
April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I’m sure we can fix this. I’ll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?
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My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course…It’s a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz
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How do you cancel an appointment with a Sperm Bank?It’s easy… You just tell them you can’t come!
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My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a threesome with.
Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to pick two of them.
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I got caught masturbating to an optical illusion
I said “it’s not what it looks like”
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I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe.
I don’t care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe!
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So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn’t have a life insurance
He answered: “Because I want you to be truly sad when I am gone”
Jokes
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