Jokes

Snooker table is the coolest table for men.
It teaches them how to play with the balls and concentrate on many holes using a single stick!

They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.

I was making a sandwich when I thought to myself,

“So, there is a downside to divorce”.

This morning my wife woke me up with a nudge.

“Oh God,” she said, “I’ve just had a horrible nightmare.”
“Oh no,” I replied cuddling her, “I was just having the best dream, I wish you could have had it instead. What was your nightmare about?” “Ah, that’s sweet, I had this horrible vision that my mother was being burned alive. What was your dream about?” “What an unbelievable coincidence…” I replied.

how long after arriving at someone’s house is it appropriate to ask the wifi password

My apartment is full of Valentine’s Day cards.

I’m not that popular, I’m just a really lazy mail man!

My wife asked what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. I said I wanted a blowjob. She’s all, “no silly, something I can buy you.” So I asked for a good blowjob.

I said to this girl, “Will you be my valentine?”
“Talk to the hand,” she replied.
“I did,” I said, “but he’s tired of being my date every year.”

The garbage man is late.

I think he’s been cheating on me with some other piece of trash.

Ever been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk?
I hope so because thats the only excuse I have for being drunk at work.