Jokes

What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow job while he was driving?
They both fell off the motorcycle.

Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?

Oktoberfest brings out the wurst in people.

Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don’t know why.. alphabets get reversed.

His girlfriend left him a note on the fridge. “It’s not working, I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to my Mother’s house.”
He opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold… “What the hell is she talking about?”

Today, I was cleaning the garage and found our old christmas lights. I noticed that the label said “for indoor and outdoor use only”. I’m still wondering how anyone could possibly break this rule.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet.
Worse than that my son Google agrees with her.

Having some alcohol- every woman’s excuse for wanting to get laid.

Having a penis- every man’s excuse for wanting to get laid.

Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone.
I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.

Boss : Could I see you in my office?
Me: No, probably not. There are walls that separate our offices.

and that’s why I’m here Mr. HR manager.