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I asked my wife if i was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.
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I went to watch the new Jumanji movie today.
That was some next level stuff.
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What did Hillary say today while sipping her tea?
Mmmm. Peach mint.
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A group of teachers of different subjects have entered a contest to see who is the best…
…after battling each other in several one v one quiz rounds the Math teacher finds herself in the finale! She then turns to the other teachers and asks which one she will go up against to win the contest. The English teacher then gets out a dictionary and starts reading “Mead, meadow, meagre, meal…” and continues for ages listing words in alphabetical order until he reaches “Yorkshire, Yoruba.” “What was all that about?!” the Math teacher gasps. The English teacher says “Between me and you.”
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Hey is your dad in prison?
Cause if I was your dad I’d sure be in prison
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What do I know about dwarfs?
Very little
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The “ladies and gentlemen, we got em” meme is one of the best of the decade
Change my state of mind
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How can a cow get through a tough breakup?
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Why do archaeologists always drink beer?
Their careers are in ruins!
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Did you hear about the part-time chemist?
He only worked periodically