Jokes

She sleeps and I masturbate.

What if they’re not stars, but holes poked in a jar lid so we can breathe…

Because of all the commercialism and materialism, I’ve decided I’m not going to celebrate Christmas anymore.
So feel free to buy me a present anytime of the year that you want.

”Natalie up the road just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone” hubby told me.
”aah lovely…. what did she have? ”
”An iphone I think”. ?

I’m so old, I can go through a whole day without taking a picture.

Evidently I misheard what my nephew wanted for Christmas, you should have seen the look on his face when he opened Mein Kampf and not Minecraft.

There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name.People constantly made fun of it, called him and his wife “The Odd couple”, named him “The Odd man out” wherever he went, all that.So he’s getting older and writes out his will. And in the will he says when he dies he doesn’t want his name on the gravestone. He just wants to be buried in an unmarked grave with a plain headstone, no name, nothing.So he dies, and his wife respects his wishes. So there he is, in his unmarked grave, but everytime someone walks by the cemetery and sees the unmarked grave they say, “Look, isn’t that Odd?”

It’s an ether/oar situation(Ether is the name of the gas used)

r/vexillology•Posted byu/henrique3d4 hours agoIt’s not every day that we have the opportunity to see the shortest and the widest flags side by side in the wild.In The Wild
2.9k points42 comments

There used to be two, but now its a sensitive subject.