Jokes

We haven’t seen any porn on your phone in a couple of days….you okay?

~NSA

I don’t know who needs to hear this but….

shave your Valentines gift.

“Head & Shoulders” for guys it’s a shampoo. For fat chicks, a selfie.

Having a Playboy magazine to just read the articles is like watching the Superbowl just for the football ?

Telling her to calm down is child’s play, if you really want to see her lose her shit tell her that she’s acting like her mother.

Work mode activated.
Work mode initialized.
Error 4321: could not find “motivation.exe.”
A fatal error has occurred.
Activating sleep mode.

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate when talking to women.

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous

A couple are fussing over their new born baby boy
“Look at the size of his willy. Its huge”. Says the husband. ….. “Yes, but he does have your eyes dear” said the wife

Somebody missed the perfect opportunity to name this Chinese Corona Virus the Kung Flu ?