Jokes

Scientists: Direct exposure to sunlight will kill Covid19 in as little as 3 minutes.
Government: Close the beaches! Everyone stay inside!

I knew a guy who had a massive heart attack during sex. He came and went at the same time.

I haven’t laughed since my wife died. People often ask:

Why did you laugh when your wife died?

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Since I’ve been in self-isolation, I have been thinking a lot about the F word.

Fauci, face mask, flu, fever, furlough, fries…

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you’re probably still an idiot.

my husband pissed me off today, so I poured some water on the floor in front of the washing machine…..2 hours he’s been trying to fix it ??

When a sketchy guy wearing a mask and gloves rings your doorbell at night:

2019: OH MY GOD CALL THE COPS!!!

2020: Yay! Dinner’s here, let’s eat!

The prostitute said we could do it as long as we both wore surgical masks and persepex visors….

Suits me…..
They normally charge extra when I suggest that.