Jokes

My wife left me because of autocorrect
That’s the last time she’ll ever text me saying “Can you please bring home some milf from the supermarket?”

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism
But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

Son: Dad, is there any place in the world where everyone loves everyone, no matter what their skin color, gender, religion or race is?
Father: Yes, Son! It’s called Pornhub.

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too ‘un-American’
I saw it coming from a kilometre away.

Being a man means doing what I want when I want and not having to answer to…
Shit, she’s coming!!! Be cool.
To be continued…

Police: Who the hell ordered all these pizzas?
Me: You said I had one phone call…

I went to go to the Vagina Museum but accidentally went in the building next door.
That place was a shit hole!

One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had
He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep