Jokes

The L in my luck has been replaced with F.

I attracted a girls attention from across a room while I was sat down by using one of my fingers indicating for her to “come here”.
She asked what I wanted so I replied, “If I can make you come with one finger, just imagine what I can do with the rest of my body.”

Why are Americans fat?
Because they think E=MC Donalds 😁

Interviewer: So, What do you want to do in your life?
Me: It depends on the last movie I watched!

I’m typing this with one hand,
“I wish you were here”

I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week.
They must have a really well paid job. I can only afford it once a month.

Females are so slick, they will lie on your chest and ask you, “Babe have you ever cheated on me?” then wait for your heart to beat faster.

A family was having guests to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and says, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?”
“I just wouldn’t know what to say!!,” shyly replies the little girl.
“Just say whatever you hear Mommy say, sweetie.”
Her daughter takes a deep breath, bows her head, and solemnly says, “Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner?”

Judge: State your name. Me: Not guilty. Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You’re not guilty?
*moonwalks out of the courtroom* *doesn’t break eye contact*