Jokes

So two pirates are working on a pirate ship, one of them is an older pirate and one of them is a new pirate. So they’re going along working and the younger pirate turns to the older pirate and says, “hey I see you got a peg leg there, how’d you get that?” The older pirate turns to him and says, “arg I fell off the boat once and a shark bit it clean off arg.”They continue working and after a bit the younger pirate turns to him again and says, “hey I see you got a hook for a hand there how’d you get that?” The older pirate turns to him and replies, “arg I was boarding an enemy ship during battle and one of the enemy cut it clean off with this blade arg.”They continue working, then after a bit the younger pirate turns to the older and says, “hey I see you got a patch over your eye how’d you get that?” The older pirate turns to him and replies, “arg there was a bird flying overhead and he pooped, and it landed straight in me eye arg.”The younger pirate looks at him and says, “wow bird poop took out your eye that’s crazy.” The older pirate replies, “arg, first day with me hook.”

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As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.“Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot- I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face and hair like Steve McQueen, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.Staring back at him in the mirror was the face and hair of Steve McQueen. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, “Oh My God, I was riding the mare!”

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Christianity… because Jesus saves

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Bartender asks “Why do you have a paper towel on your hat?”Pirate says “Arrgh, there be a Bounty on me head.”ThanksAlexa

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2 out of every 3 voices inside of me says so.
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Now. I didn’t realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me. I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn’t know what else to say…So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the pub.When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.She smiled at me and said, “That’s a shame, you really caught my eye.”

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Because sin90 = cot45

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