no excuse

Me: is there a problem officer?
Cop: I noticed the vehicle swerving a lot.
Me: I had 8 beers officer.
Cop: that’s no excuse to let your wife drive.


I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people that send me a dollar.

more beer

At the bar, Bizi orders 10 beers. An hour later, he orders 10 more.
What does he have?
…A wife and 4 fucking kids…


Women may not hit harder, but they do hit lower.


Behind every great woman is a man who loves doggy style.


I can’t be sure if my vegetarian neighbors are having sex or finally decided to eat bacon…

party problem

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.


The internet is full of cats because dog lovers actually go outside.