Jokes

I read somewhere that 37 is too old to still be living with your parents.
It was on a note, in my bedroom.

My friend said im trivial and boring.

Funny thing, Did you know the word ‘trivia’ has an interesting origin story.

Yesterday I went through a costly and painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, I got some fantastic wedding presents.

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!”
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, “Where?”

My young Secretary was telling me a story today, that she had great sex last night with her boyfriend. But when they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked her boyfriend what happened to the other five condoms?
He told her he’d masturbated with them.
Read More »once or twice

I was in a coffee shop a couple of weeks ago and I overheard this woman say, “Guys who drive expensive cars have small penises.” I went to go talk to her. I’m like, ”Excuse me, ma’am. That is not entirely accurate because I drive a really inexpensive car and I also have a small penis.”

Obama 2008: yes, we can
Obama 2013: yes, we scan

My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn’t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat.

If you get drunk and don’t regret anything the next day, then something is wrong with the way you drink!!

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”

She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.

He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
Read More »S-H-I-T