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What starts with I, ends with I and has an I in it?
Answer: Illuminati
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My friend and I were looking at a really fancy and expensive handbag
Her: I would die for thisMe: I would kill for thisAfter that we just stared weirdly at each other
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My favorite word is “drool”.
It just rolls of the tongue.
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I can accurately predict all the major events happening next year…
I have 20/20 vision.Happy holidays folks.
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It’s funny when fat people say obesity runs in their family.
because nobody runs in their family
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My friend can recognize a woman by looking at her breasts
He says they can hide their face, but they cannot hide their identitties
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My dentist asked me if I floss between meals
“No, usually between teeth” I replied.
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.Later the manager found the boy and said, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.“Well, why did you leave Canada,” the manager asked.The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”“Really!” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada!”The boy replied, “No kidding???? Who did she play for?”
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A warning to all.
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas. Quite rightly, police are out checking on people.Last night I went our for a few drinks. Cocktails, then wine. (Not a good idea).However, knowing I was over the limit, I took the bus back home.We passed a police check point and I could see they were pulling over drivers and giving them breath tests. They waved the bus past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a surprise as I’d never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from.
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Why do the Hong Kong police get up early in the morning?
To beat the crowds.
Jokes
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