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What did the soldiers call their new young captain
Minor Major
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I was gonna tell a child abandonment joke….
But then I realized it wasn’t wanted
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What goes Ha Ha Plop Plop?
A lepper laughing his balls off.
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I lost 200 lbs over the Summer.
“Wow! What’s your secret?”Divorce.
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REMEMBER: It’s bad luck to call it a MacBook
Always say “the Scottish laptop”.
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They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes.
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
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Everything you need to know about Australia
I REALLY hope these are trueThese were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)__________________________________________________Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK).A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.__________________________________________________Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )A:Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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Why are there no feminists in Japan?
Because the Japanese hunt whales.
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Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?
Because they’re all Targets.
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My GF is the square root of -100
A solid 10, but also imaginary
Jokes
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