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Jokes

  • remaining

    Yawning is your bodies way of saying 20% battery remaining.

  • trying

    I will never forget my teachers.. but I will keep on trying.

  • the first

    Barack Obama….
    The first black presidennt and he starts selling weed.

  • t-shirt

    A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth… and on the back:…and I will fill your cavity.

  • she

    I was going to go to the gym but I got exhausted trying to parallel parking.

  • freak

    No, I don’t want to come to your cat’s birthday party…you freak. My dog’s getting married that weekend.

  • wtf

    Officer: “Blow into this”
    JB: *starts unzipping officers pants*
    Officer: “No! No! WTF!?”

  • don’t forget

    A very attractive young woman came up to me today and asked me to get her a drink.
    Then I remembered.
    I was serving behind the bar.

  • what to say

    I got fired at work today.
    My boss said my communication skills were awful.
    I didn’t know what to say to that.

  • texting

    I am surprised my girlfriend failed her driving test.

    She texted me like 3 times telling me everything was going good.