Jokes

Some people won’t try bacon for religious reasons
I won’t try religion for bacon reasons

Last year everyone made a huge deal about The Pope resigning. To be honest I don’t blame him.

I’d leave my job too if my boss never showed up.

last year I joined a support for antisocial people, We haven’t met yet.

She was amazing, so firm, so beautiful. Her legs were long and perfectly formed, her breasts were so full and juicy. I laid her down, studied every inch of her, pressed my lips to her hot body. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, my heart still races at the thought of her smell, her taste, the way she felt in my hands…
It was, without a doubt, the most amazing chicken dinner I’ve ever had.  

When men drink, they talk too much, drive badly, and pick fights for no reason.
Women do all of these things while sober.

When people ask me what my best qualities are, I always tell them my second best quality is being mysterious.

Multiple personalities……because you never know when you’ll need backup.

I just caught my son playing with himself.
Looks like my cloning experiment was a success…

marijuana is only legal if you’re sick. so it’s ill-legal

If I can’t buy you the perfect birthday present at the liquor store…
We probably can’t be friends.