Jokes

Ever notice that piece of the Apple logo that’s missing?

It’s symbolic of how Apple bites off of other people’s ideas.

“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market,” said the man. “Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,”remarked his friend. “I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, “Give it to me straight doc!”
The doctor replies, “That’s impossible, we’re both male.”
They both laugh and the doctor says, “Besides, I don’t want Herpes.”

I remember that look on my girlfriend face as I got down on one knee & pulled out the ring…

Then ran as I handed her the grenade.

Whenever I punish my 16 year old, I don’t take away her phone. I take away her charger and then watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. Its a blast.

She used Vaseline to give me a hand job and I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.

‘Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life.”
– Shakespear
“Laughing At your Wife’s Mistakes, can SHORTEN your Life….” – Shakespear’s Wife

Before marriage you realize the importance of sex. ….
After marriage you realize the importance of masturbation

life is not a fairy tale. if you lose a shoe at midnight, you are drunk.

You said they were laughing with me…
-well played tequila….well played 😒