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I always knew

I always knew you’d hurt me. I knew you’d break my heart and just walk away.
Who the fuck steals someone’s beer!?

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I learned something

There’s one thing I’ve learnt working at Mcdonalds.
I should have fucking tried harder at school.

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explanation

wife:”could you explain to me why I woke up this morning with a cucumber up my arse? ”
husband:”could you explain to me, why you didn’t wake up when I put it there? “

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Don’t complain

Don’t complain about your job to the lady waxing your vagina.

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Never lie to a smart woman!

Never Lie to a smart woman…
A man called home to his wife & said, “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in Canada with my boss & friends… We’ll be gone for a week.. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion i’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week,set out my rod & fishing box . We’re leaving from office & I will swing by the house to pick my things .. Oh and Please pack my new blue silk pajamas..” The wife thinks about this, being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good.. More →

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Sink fixing…

I don’t think the milf next door watches enough porn. She asked me to come over and fix her sink..it’s been 20 minutes and I’m still fixing her sink..

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I can`t wait!

Scientists are close to re-enacting The Big Bang theory.
Hope its got another hot blonde with nice tits in it.

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Poor Popeye…

Popeye was a lonely sailor.
No wonder he had such big forearms!

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They all gonna die!

I just read a report that said men should ejaculate at least 5 Times a week to prevent prostate cancer so what I got from this report is that most married men are going to die from prostate cancer