0

not on fb

I don’t always tell my mother how much I love her.
but when I do, it’s not on facebook!!

0

welcome to the jungle

I was getting ready to have sex with my girlfriend hazardous and she decided to put on some music I was confused on why the song she picked was welcome to the jungle by Guns N Roses
until she opens her legs then I understood #

0

Nice try, fat girls ordering a salad on the first date. Nice try. #Jokester

0

party

party

0

autocorect

My phone autocorrected “FUCK YOU, FUCKFACE!” to “Yeah, I can get those reports to you by 9am”

0

you do now

I walked into a car showroom last night.
I said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window.”
He said, “We don’t have a Volkswagen Golf in the window.”
I said, “You do now.”

0

unrealistic

Porn paints a extremely unrealistic picture of how quickly you can get a plumber over to your house…

0

what a…

GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.

. . Finally guys look at them and say: . . “Man, look at her ass!”

0

characters

I was over my blonde friend’s house and asked for her Wi-Fi password.
She replied, “Mickey Goofy Pluto Daisy Cinderella Shrek Donkey Fiona Washington D.C.”
When I asked why she had such a long password, she replied, “I was told it had to have at least eight characters and one capital.”

0

scam

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.