Jokes

I read that Covid-19 hasn’t affected the Amish community, it’s probably because they don’t have TV or social media.

I drove my secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at our office party.
Although nothing had happened, I decided not to mention it to wife, who being a suspicious person, could be very jealous.
Later that night, my wife and I were driving home in the car when I spotted a single high-heeled shoe under her seat.
When she wasn’t looking, I picked up the shoe and tossed it out of the window.
Later, as we got out of the car at home, my wife asked, “Honey, have you seen my other shoe?”

Dude: Do u wanna sit on my face?
Girl: Why? Is your nose bigger then your dick?

Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way for the neighbors to pay and build a privacy fence.

Every time I have to fold laundry I consider becoming a nudist..
Then I remember what I look like naked and I keep on folding.

G.F. :You treat our relationship like some kind of game. ?
Me: this will cost you 12 points and a bonus round.

Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings..

What the hell is leftover beer?

Everytime you feel yourself getting pulled into other peoples drama, repeat these words:
NOT MY CIRCUS~NOT MY MONKEYS!

Bono from U2 is the voice of my cars GPS.
It sucks. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

???