Jokes

“My dad says, you can check my computer. Is that right, Mr. Obama?”
 
“He’s not your dad.”

i will be answering all questions…with my middle fiinger today

I’m not talking to myself, I’m talking to the NSA!

in a thousand years archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment

My blonde friend said she’s getting some new piercings. I asked where.
“My love handles,” she replied. “But what if you lose them?” I asked.
“You silly,” she replied, “how am I gonna lose my EARS?”

I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear,
“Don’t do that again”…
“Sorry,” I said, “It must be the nerves”….
“Fair enough,” he said, “But there was no need to hold the microphone to your ass.” 

An American tourist in London found himself needing to take  a leak. After a long search he just  couldn’t find any public bathroom to relieve himself.  So  he went down one of the side streets to take care of  business.  Just as he was unzipping, a London police  officer showed up.
 “Look here, what are you doing?” the officer asked.
Read More »french embassy

WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Read More »dates

I love what you have done with your hair, how do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
Read More »wonderful man