Jokes

A social butterfly

A guy named Danny walks into a bar, tells the bartender to get him four shots of the highest proof he has, and says, “I need to forget.”A pretty girl next to him gets curious and asks, “What do you need to forget?” And Danny replies with, “I’ll tell you but you won’t like it.” “I’ve been with many men who’ve told me terrible things, try me.” So Danny tells her and she slaps him across the face so hard his cheek turns beet red.The bartender saw the whole thing and asks Danny what happened, and Danny said, “I told her what I needed to forget.” Naturally, the bartender asks what it is he needs to forget. “I’ll tell you, but, trust me, you’ll get pissed.” “Boy, I’ve been bartending for 25 years, heard about regrets, death, war stories, ain’t nothin gonna faze me.” So Danny tells the bartender, and the bartender flips his shit and screams at Danny to get outta the bar.Outside, Danny hails a cab to get home. Once inside, the Cabbie says, “Jeez you look terrible, what happened?” “I told people what I’m trying to forget.” “Well, what’d you tell em?” “You’ll get mad if I tell ya.” “Sir, if I’m honest, I was a veteran, I’ve had my own brothers die in my arms, tell me what you have.” “Alright but you gotta take me home first so you don’t throw me out of the cab.” Intrigued, the cabbie takes Danny home first. The Cabbie pulled up to Danny’s home, turns around, and says “Alright, spill the beans, I’m dyin to hear this.” “Fine, fine, but I gotta ask you something first:When’s the last time you lost The Game?”

So I’ve got crap credit (552), with 1 item in collections ($137). No payment history, no credit cards, and no age of credit history. I want to start building credit and a friend told me to look into a secured credit card. This is all Greek to me.

So is congress the opposite of progress?

Parlor: “Hello Sir, can I take your order?”Me: “Yes, I’d like a male hot fudge sundae please.”Parlor: “I’m sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?”Me: “Yes, with nuts”.

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It’s a fizzician!I’ll see myself out

I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

….We never went back to Thailand since!