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Jokes

  • Masked Rodent (58200)

    After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo Ingles.”

  • @Starsbear

    I feel bad about misjudging my new girlfriend.I thought she was a bit of a slut when she playfully called me her thirty second lover.Then I realized that she was talking about time.

  • @Jeep

    I’m not really a fan of purple, unless it’s…Deep Purple 💜 🚬💧

  • @Jeep

    Keith Richards turned 80 yesterday, weird thing is that he looked like he was 80 over 30 years ago…

  • I saw my doctor last week and he asked me how much marijuana do I smoke? I said why was that your first question?He said, it wasn’t.

  • num-num

    A young woman goes to the gynecologist’s for the first time. She disrobes and places her legs in the stirrups. As the doctor begins to examine her, he says, “Relax, you are about to feel a little numbness.” “What do you mean?” asks the woman. The doctor puts his head in between her legs and mumbles, num-num-num-num-num-num…

  • Mrs Simmons

    I entered a competion for kleptomaniacs. I took first prize…and second prize, and third prize, and a couple of unattended handbags…

  • Saw this at a restaurant in South Carolina

  • Prank

  • Happy Father’s Day

    A new teacher joins a school.

    She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance.

    The teacher asks: Twins…?

    Boys: No, we are neighbours!