Jokes

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JOKESTER

Me: sometimes I talk to myself

Me: OMG, same

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JOKESTER

Probiotics are good for you, but they’re still not sure about the benefits of amateur biotics.

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@JOKESTER

Me: ily

Her: can you spell it out, it makes it seem more special.

Me: I’m leaving you.

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@JOKESTER

I’m not saying my wife is stupid, but she thinks Iran is a new treadmill machine by Apple.

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@JOkester

I always knock on the front door of my fridge…..

……just in case there is a salad dressing.

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@JOKESTER

Boss: Know why I called you in here?
Me: Because I accidentally sent you those dick pics?
Boss: *stops pouring two glasses of wine* Accidentally?

 

 

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JOKESTER

I went on a blind date with a woman, whose online profile said she had a “infectious smile.”

She was fu***ng suffering from Herpes.

🌹🏵🌸

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Jokester

Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine’s day.
When they answer, “dinner”, you should say, “No…after that.”

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I’d tell you a great time travel joke…
but you didn’t like it.

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Just sayin’

The phrase “until death do us part” was invented when the average lifespan was 35 years.