Jokes

F

Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, “I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha.”

So, “20 x 0 = 0.”I don’t know what’s funny!

[Hiring] Looking to get a website with a few requirements

The requirements are:fetch real-time data from another website to present in UI. Will stream at around 3 messages/sec. Instead of using asynchronous polling could settle for presenting data in an iframe if it looks as good, as it’s just visual;allow the user to interact with sqlite data in a defined way. Page must not reload upon getting such a request, thus some sort of async js is likely required. Would settle for simpler alternatives;must look professional;total pages: register, login, pretend-tradeEssentially it would be bitcoin pretend-trade page, but without any of the logic or the underlying difficulties, just simple defined logic. Would pay in crypto. Other than websockets, and making it look good, there’s nothing too difficult or demanding.

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

LPT lose the word”I”

[removed]

Technically, killing furries isn’t manslaughter

It’s poaching.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers…

Like you don’t see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

“Kill one man, you are a murderer. Ten, a monster. A hundred, a hero. A thousand, a legend.” The wiki is not awfully helpful at such high levels, so what are the milestones and ranks after that?

My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti…

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

The FBI, CIA, and KGB are trying to prove which one of them is the best at catching their targets.

The task is to go into a forest and capture the rabbit in there.The FBI goes in, they place inside operatives into the animal kingdom, question all the tree witnesses, and interrogate even the rocks. After 3 months of effort, they come out, and conclude that the rabbit does not exist, and was just an urban myth.The CIA goes in next. In a week, there is an uprising of freedom fighters who seek to overthrow the hierarchy, which escalates until the forest burns down. They present the corpse of a rabbit and say it resisted.Not impressed, the KGB is sent in to the next forest. By the afternoon, they come out, dragging a bloody and bruised bear behind them, who instantly confesses: “I am rabbit. My mother and father were rabbits.”