Jokes

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dictionary

I’m going to purchase a dictionary, as after watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don’t understand the meaning of Final.

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battery

My next door neighbors Smart car’s battery died…

I had to give him a jumpstart from my iPod.

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distraction

Cell phones are a distraction while driving.
Says cops with radios, dash cams, laptops, cell phones, radars and donuts.

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BBC news

“Welshman saves sheep by giving it the kiss of life”
….Thats the exact same thing I would have said to someone if I got caught getting it on with a sheep.

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guess

They call me Mr. Rhetorical. Can you guess why?

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page six

I couldn’t buy perfume this week so I rubbed a magazine on my shirt. When people ask ” What’s that heavenly smell?”

I say “Page six.”

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Don’t complain

Don’t complain about your job to the lady waxing your vagina.

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Never lie to a smart woman!

Never Lie to a smart woman…
A man called home to his wife & said, “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in Canada with my boss & friends… We’ll be gone for a week.. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion i’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week,set out my rod & fishing box . We’re leaving from office & I will swing by the house to pick my things .. Oh and Please pack my new blue silk pajamas..” The wife thinks about this, being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good.. More →

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Sink fixing…

I don’t think the milf next door watches enough porn. She asked me to come over and fix her sink..it’s been 20 minutes and I’m still fixing her sink..

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I can`t wait!

Scientists are close to re-enacting The Big Bang theory.
Hope its got another hot blonde with nice tits in it.