How did Jesus find guys named Peter, John, James, Thomas and Simon in the Middle East?


I don’t think they should put “out of order” signs on escalators when they’re broken. Instead they should have a sign that says “temporarily stairs.”

with knive

When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date…


when Britney spears sang “Hit me baby one more time” she wasn’t talking to chuck norris cause if chuck Norris hits someone there isn’t another time!


Giving a girl flowers is weird…
“here, I killed these for you… I saw them, and, they reminded me of you so… I killed them. You should put them in water if you want them to… die slower”


Husband: Honey, how many men have you slept with?
Wife: 30….
Husband: I wish you’d have been a virgin when I married you.
Wife: I was.

I am

Immature. A word used by boring people to describe fun people.

ATM asks

ATM asks if I want to donate to charity. Sure! Donate my transaction fee.