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Jokes

  • Entitled Parent Joke

    So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were the only people in the area who happened to have milkshakes. The woman passive-aggressively asked us to either buy one or let the “angel” have some. We politely declined, as we didn’t have any cash, and were also a little under the weather with colds. She then demanded from us that we needed to give some kind of dessert for her child who was now sobbing. By now, staff gets involved and they start pulling her away, but she breaks free and starts just pulling my leg.Just like how I’m pulling yours.

  • What do you call a cube-crafting game that takes place in Iowa?

    Des Moinescraft.

  • Which animal has the biggest mood swings?

    A Bi-polar bear.

  • A little medical joke

    The South African Medical Association has weighed in on the new National Health Insurance proposals.The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.The ENT specialists didn’t swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter….”

  • Why can’t a seal be a DJ

    Because they are afraid of club hits

  • It takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong

    and it takes a bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

  • What’s the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul?

    Hitler had some respect for the Japanese.

  • What does a robot do after sex?

    Nuts n Bolts

  • What do french people smoke?

    Oui’d

  • My neighbor just got arrested for growing weed in his back yard.

    Apparently my property line isn’t where I thought it was.