Fun jokes

special day

Advertisements

I lost my job and my wife on the same day.

Advertisements

 

…Thank you Mega millions

who tf

Advertisements

Advertisements

 

So after my prostate exam the doctor left and the nurse came in a few seconds later and uttered the 5 words noone ever wants to hear “who the fuck was that?”

pissed

Advertisements

Advertisements

 

Last year, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family for Christmas. My husband was pissed!

time

When a woman says “what?” It doesn’t mean she didn’t hear you, it means she’s giving you a chance to correct herself.

wax

I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all. Very pleasent and quite erotic actually….
watching four chicks in flimsy swimwear wash my car!!

for my wife

People look at me strange when I buy tampons at the supermarket.
“They’re for the wife,” I say patiently, as I pack them away.
Then I readjust my Darth Vader helmet and walk out all dignified like.

razor

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It’s not proper to walk around without any panties on.” The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down. The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly.
The priest hands the lady $1 and says… “Lady, take this money and for God’s sake, go buy yourself a razor!”

horndog

At the marriage counselor, my wife says, “I do SO enjoy sex! But this horndog wants it five or six times a YEAR!”

difference

What women want to see in a man .. kindness , romance, tenderness, and loyalty
What a man wants to see in a woman .. his penis !!

watch

While at the mall the other day, I saw a sign saying “Watch repairs”…

Wasn’t very interesting to be honest, I’d rather watch porn!!