What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?
An Uber.

My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

Oh and also, I can’t remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023

My GPS just told me to turn around.

Now I can’t see where I’m driving.

I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday.

When I came back home, she was furious.

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“You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm,” I told the prostitute.
“That’s not true,” she replied.
“Of course it is,” I laughed. “What do you mean?”
She said, “I’m a man.”

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said “Well, you sure haven’t forgotten anything since 1956…” The general looked at her, confused, and replied “I sure hope not, it’s only 2130 now.”

A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain

He goes to the clerk and says

 

“Hello, I’d like to purchase a new brain”.

 

The clerk replies with “Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale”

“Here’s the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars.”

“Here’s our second deal for today. The brain of an anti-vaxxer, 10,000 dollars”.

The man, completely confused, asks “Why is the brain of an anti-vaxxer more expensive than of a physicist?”

“Because it’s never been used” The clerk replies.