Be silent

May be an image of text that says 'Deo Marte Believing in the Bible makes you as a Christian, but Reading and Understanding the Bible from First to the Last Page makes you an Atheist. Reply 1d Like 1K Sophia Lorenz Poblete Strongly disagree. 1d Like 35 Reply Jamie Suarez Sophia Lorenz Poblete, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent." (1 Timothy 2:12) Please be silent Sophia. 1d Reply Haha 256'

You know those movies when the guy pushes stuff off the table, thrusts a girl on it, and fucks her?
I just did that, but with a pizza..

Women drinking coffee.
My three favorite things.

On our first date. Her: I really like men who plan ahead.
Me: That’s why I drank 2 litres of pineapple juice today.

False alarm

I’m devastated. I just had a look at my doctor’s notes and he’s written that after my accident, I’ll never be able to wank again.
Edit: False alarm! I asked him about it and he chuckled about the whole “doctors have bad handwriting” cliche. It’s meant to say walk. What a relief!

Friends are like boobs
some are real some are fake

Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you can sleep with his wife while he’s fishing.

Sex is like golf,
Playing every hole is the goal.

I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.